There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
