He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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