this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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