you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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