I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
