Define "chronic" masturbator.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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