hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
