You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
