If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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