No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
