did you get engaged???
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
