whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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