You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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