Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
