I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
