My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We're too hungover to prance.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
