are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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