Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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