when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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