I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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