shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
