I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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