I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
