The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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