I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
