I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
