Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
