the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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