So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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