Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
