WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize