WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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