we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
