I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
