Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
