You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My vagina just recognized that song.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
