She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't deserve a penis
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
