I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
