New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
