If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
