so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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