Will you blow on my dice?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
