just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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