I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
