Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
