5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
