first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
