I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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