I just pynch a tree in the face
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
