my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
