just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
