he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she pinky promised me she was 18
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
