he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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