It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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