1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
