dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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