I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
