You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
