i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
