turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
