can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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