angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
