I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
