I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
