How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize