The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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