did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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