All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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