That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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