i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
