I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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