You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
