Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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