3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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