I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
