Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
