It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
