i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
