I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
