Dual....:-)
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
