haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
