What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
