Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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