Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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