and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
