He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
