WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
