things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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