I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
