Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize