So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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