I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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