i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
