Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You need a sexual gate keeper
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need water and some morals
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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