Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
