be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
