I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
