whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
