Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
