I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
