you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
