i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
