Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
