ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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