I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
