Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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